you know, i’ve been thinking. like, really thinking.
this recession has really forced us to answer some tough questions about ourselves. it’s no longer just “oh, should i buy that hillary clinton voodoo doll or the ‘world’s largest bra’ for a fun mother’s day gift?” or “is pleather bad for the environment?”
we have real issues to tackle. real brainspace to exercise. which is why i present the first of what i hope will be a weekly series of true brain-tickling, mind-bending questions.
WOULDYOURATHER?
Would you, dear reader, rather
have the world’s grossest, thickest temple-to-temple unibrow
or, a single, non-dominant lobster hand?
actual lobster hand pics were just too disturbing to deal with
SO HARD. i know. breathe.
how about…
would you rather be cursed with some real unfortunate baldness early in life (say, high school?)
or smell so bad that people start referring to you as a queef popsicle?
last time you and i met, philadelphia subway system, i hated on you real bad. i still don’t like you very much, but you’ve won me over this week with what appears to be one of the most absurd ad campaigns i’ve seen in a while…
now if that’s not a persuasive pro-college argument for blue collar workers, i don’t know what is!!
round to you, subway system. well done.
a delightful video link is required here, i think. thank you temple university for the gift of the john oates mullet.
Welcome back. I’ve been out of town at sheitelfest 2k9 aka graber passover. it was fun, actually. I learned that sometimes babies like to shart and that i’m really not all that great at backgammon.
i have learned a lot in the past few weeks since my day of birth. and not just that 4 prunes a day will keep the matzah constipation at bay. here are my latest lessons of interneting that i would like to share with you all.
1. WHY YOUTUBE ADS ARE SOMETIMES NECCESSARY AND DELIGHTFUL
the internet is whispering sweet words of chisled-ness to me
2. WHY DOUCHEBAGS MUST CONTINUE TO EXIST IN THE WORLD OF BLOGGING
check this post out. shmema sent this to me–it turns out that the girl mentioned who didn’t look “stripper” enough is her pal. the comments are also quite priceless. my moon must be in jupiter or some jazz (ferg? natalie? what do ya’ll think) because douches are just really floating my boat since i turned 25.
3. WHY I’M GLAD I ADMITTED TO MY MOM THAT I SMOKED WEED BEFORE WATCHING “HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE” 5 YEARS AGO
so i can share this heelarious nugget of internetz that i stumbled across after googling “smoke joint” (as in the fort greene restaurant, promise!) make sure to check out twon’s avatar.
other than that, 25 means learning how to make matzah lasagne that doesn’t taste like cat farts, avoiding the urge to buy a wii fit just so i can claim that i have an active lifestyle, and never having to say i’m sorry.
quarter-life crisis is pending. i now actually have a reason to use that kiehl’s eye cream that i was cornered into buying last year. hoping that my life won’t turn into a Cathy comic strip this year. kinda relate to this gal:
does 25 mean i’m going to start enjoying things like THIS?
(btdubs: watched 30 min of this on the telly the other night–total crapola)
does 25 mean i’m going to have to STOP enjoying things like THIS?
avi flombaum i know you feel me on this one
does 25 mean i’m going to start being into dudes like THIS??
chisel-y?
i don’t know. i’m confused. just–if you catch me talking about that killer “facts of life” marathon on the nick-at-night channel, please help. please. that’s all i can ask for for my birthday. godspeed.
culottes. tree camouflage. elastic waistband. duty length. YES.
now if that’s not a persuasive pro-college argument for blue collar workers, i don’t know what is!!
