ya’ll. i saw this video yesterday and lost my shit. so many inspirational ideas!
now i know i’ve never been that into makeup or whatnot, but with passover coming up and everything i thought it might be a good idea to practice my transformative abilities. what do you think??
*Before*
After!
admit it. this is an incredible transformation. my makeover skills are unparalleled. i am available for birthdays, sweet sixteens, sex changes…whatevs you want.
making myself over proved to be a bit more challenging, however…but listen, the lighting in my apartment is quite dreary at night.
just got home from seeing twilight at the trocadero (free beer and popcorn!). my tv choices are eyes wide shut or the pianist OR diners drive-ins and dives (vom).
i’m seeeeriously contemplating writing a post about the ugliness that pervades the community of my people (embracism?). like, seriously wrong looking. would you mind if i did that? it means mining your facebook photos and finding some weird-ass looking people. comment and let me know. it’s sort of hard to resist the temptation.
for now, this will have to do.
bramo-your help is appreciated.
In other news:
My BF joaquin’s manfro is growing out nicely:
spring styles are arriving at anthro.com
moto-laura is baaaack!
AND T-MINUS A WEEK OR SO UNTIL I GET TO SING THIS AT KAREOKE-PALOOZA-GRABERFEST 2K9!!! (you are invited, by the way).
otherwise, nothing too new happening. i finally finished american pastoral. i bought a non-90s item of clothing. i was introduced to a new fun religion.
eyes wide shut is starting to freak me out. laters.
alright. so you guys have noticed that i’ve been in a bit of a fashion dilemma (see “my style is like whoah“) since i got to philly. ever since starting this job, i’ve looked like a combination of krusty the clown and martha stewart’s bastard stepchild.
I THINK I FIGURED OUT WHAT MY PROBLEM IS.
i am a child of the 90s. i am longing to fulfill my 90’s-ness. you know how moms reach a certain age and just keep the same look going? typically mom jeans (or skirt..hollllaaaa at my religious peeps!), ill fitting v-neck ribbed cotton tee and some janky costume jewelry?
yeah.
well, when i reach that point, (and it certainly feels imminent) i’d like to go down as the lady who refused to leave the 90s behind.
i.e–i want to be shirley manson.
just so you know, it took a lot of self control to not paste my head on her body.
i mean, why not? just look at this video. what could be easier? it’s the same dress-twice! easy enough for a blind person, short enough to not look like a lezzie. plus combat boots! say goodbye to painful bunions! this just keeps on sounding better and better.
see? she’s so happy!
i really can’t explain this recent obsession, but ya’ll are just gonna have to deal with it.
So I propositioned some friends to help me with this column this week. People tell me all the time that i’m REALLY GOOD at answering their hard-hitting life questions. Here were some of the best questions & answers so far!
The New & Improved Advice Column for Young Folks and Old Lurkers
Dear Sassy,
What does it mean when my girl goes to 4 concerts in a week rather than see me?
Sincerely, Musically Declined
Hi MD,
You’re probably just really boring and or/have halitosis. Are you unemployed? Do you talk about cooking rice and beans all the time? Your girl is probably just looking for a bit more action than a happy hour deal in east midtown. Ditch the blockbuster night, get some Binaca and peruse the interwebs for the latest bad/new band update. Grody Bushwick underground roof parties will score you extra points. When all else fails, just tell her her boobs look really good in that top. Works like a charm!
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Dear Sassy,
How do I interview for a new job while I’m still stuck at my old one? Obviously I don’t want them to catch on.
Thanks,
Eager Beaver
EB,
This one’s a snooze. It’s called throwing an effing pair of heels, some lipgloss and your resume in a shopping bag, leaving for a “dentist appointment” and taking a damn cab to your interview. What are you, retarded?
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Dear Sassy,
My boyfriend won’t watch CSI with me, even though I watch Rachel Maddow with him all the time. What gives?
Fondly, Kick Nemp
Hi Kick,
I hate you. Next?
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Dear Sassy,
Someone stole my identity on the internet through my 56k modem and now my life is f*cked. Help!
Sincerely, Angela Bennett
Dear Ruth Marx,
Finally a question I can sink my teeth into!
I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. It really blows when the ‘net does that to you and you end up in Mexico with illegal papers. But you know what? Just think about it. Our whole world is sitting there on a computer. It’s in the computer, everything: your, your DMV records, your, your social security, your credit cards, your medical records. It’s all right there. Everyone is stored in there. It’s like this little electronic shadow on each and everyone of us, just, just begging for someone to screw with, and you know what? They’ve done it to me, and you know what? They’re gonna do it to you.
bramo-your help is appreciated.
